I was petrified. If I offered this guy any solace, I was afraid he would start hugging me.

He kind of got it back together, so I ventured a favorite quote I once got in a fortune cookie: "Discontentment is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation." This only served to start a parade of praises about how wise I was. He then reiterated how he considers me not only a business colleague but a good friend.

Lovely, I thought. I now have a "zero-therapy" policy.

Another fetching group of clients who are a joy to work with are the "CEO/art directors." These people, like their PowerPoint underlings, have no design skills, yet possess behemoth veto power and can spin you into design oblivion.

They will give you all the ideas. Don't even bother explaining to them why you think it doesn't work. They need to be shown it doesn't work. It's frustrating to spend precious time to design some ridiculous idea that won't even be used. Worse yet, sometimes they can't be reasoned with, and that ridiculous idea gets proudly displayed on their trade-show booth.

On the opposite end of the spectrum reside the fine artists. These clients generally have no money but are blessed with a copious supply of "pickiness."

Poison clients are those who cost you money, either because they order the job completely wrong to begin with, or they change the job so many times that everything is confusing.

A typical problem with such people is their absolute inability to grasp proportions. They will bring you a 3" x 5" picture, and ask for a 2' x 10' banner.

One lady called and needed a rush job (two-hour turnaround). She sang a sad song about not having much in the budget, and she hemmed and hawed about ways to get the price down. She did, however, dangle the "I need a new supplier" carrot in front of me.

Eye Candy Graphics was three months old at the time and we were a little carrot-crazy, so I jumped at the chance. Then she asked me for credit terms and I gladly agreed. After all, I wanted to show good faith in this blossoming new relationship.

I never got her address, and she had a courier pick up the job. Her phone was soon thereafter disconnected and there was no listing for her business name in the phone book.

Guess what? I'd been duped.

That's why, no matter how nice people might seem, you must remain firm on the COD thing until you establish a relationship. Accepting credit cards helps out for those clients who just don't have the cash up front. Retail end-users can be good or bad. As a general rule, they are not part of a market we target.

These clients often times are masters of looking sad and distraught when you tell them their poster is going to be $60. They are, many times, low-price-shoppers with bad or no art.

If they are surprised at the $60 poster, imagine how bewildered they will be with $50 scans or $75-per-hour design charges. Their jobs are seldom more than "onesie-twosies," which aren't very profitable. However, I've gotten some great clients from my ad in the Yellow Pages. Remember, satisfied customers of any type sing your praises to a lot of people.

So, when production goes from "almost too busy to handle" to "impossible to handle," prioritize your clients and if anyone cries, just give them the "stare-ahead."